5 Ways to Support Loved Ones in Difficult Times
From Thoughtful Gestures to Handmade Comfort: A Guide to Showing You Care
When someone close to you shares devastating news—it's often hard to know what to say or do. Some situations lend themselves to more apparent solutions. Funerals call for flowers or donations to a charity that has significance to the deceased. If a parent is navigating an illness, offering to watch their kids or sending a gift certificate for food delivery can go a long way.
I often receive calls and texts from friends who share that someone they know and love had a miscarriage, is experiencing infertility, lost a baby, or is facing a frightening diagnosis. There's no playbook for what to do next to help someone we love who finds themselves in this situation.
The advice I give is to consider the following five things:
1- First, validate their pain. "You must be so sad" or "This is heartbreaking" allows someone to experience their feelings and not push them away.
2- Check in with them in whichever way feels more natural for your relationship, but in a way that doesn't make them feel pressured to get back to you. "How are you holding up? There is no pressure to reply. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and here if you want to talk."
3- Mark a date on the calendar two to three months in the future as a reminder for yourself to check in with them. Often, people are overwhelmed with outreach initially, but after a while, friends forget, yet pain is still raw for them. Your outreach will mean even more when you're one of the only people they hear from. If they have experienced a loss, enter the date in your calendar as a recurring reminder so you can check in with them on the day of their loss. It means the world to someone who lost a baby to know that their child hasn't been forgotten.
5- Send something in the mail. It's rare to get a package that isn't one you ordered yourself or a piece of mail that isn't a bill or advertisement. A hand-written note (bonus: if it's on a handmade card!) or a beautifully packaged little gift goes a long way. Below are some ideas:
A gift certificate to a local bakery, ice cream place, or coffee shop that they love so they can treat themself and have a small moment of joy during this difficult time.
A nice bar of soap, lotion, candle, or other indulgence that they might not treat themself to, but that would brighten their day when they used it.
A journal or sketchbook so they can write or draw about what they're living through. For some people, capturing their thoughts can be cathartic and helps release some of their pain.
If they're the type of person who is open to you suggesting a book to read, consider a thoughtful selection preferably purchased from a local bookshop. Wrapped it with a note about why you selected that book for them. Some of my favorites include When God Winks at You, The Light Between Us, Spirit Babies, Wherever You Are, My Love Will Find You, and Draw Your Day by Substacker Samantha Dion Baker.
Over the years, I've received many gifts that have helped me feel loved during times of grief, loss, and illness. These thoughtful gestures, whether a handwritten note, a bouquet of flowers, or a token of affection, have made a significant difference in my healing journey. I've also sent out many gifts and have learned a lot from the reactions I've received. Recently, I began making adult healing and manifestation talismans called Supurrcats.
Supurrcats were born from a broken heart and a belief in the power of manifestation. Every lovingly handcrafted Supurrcat uplifts spirits and serves as a daily reminder that we can make dreams come true through the power of positive thinking. You don't just buy a product when you choose a Supurrcat as a gift—you set an empowering intention—to communicate the recipient's strengths, appreciate their efforts, or remind them they are loved.
Each kitty is lovingly made by hand in NYC with repurposed fabrics, making each one a unique and special creation. Their imperfections are a part of what makes them unique, just like the person who receives it. Learn more here.
Words of the Week
“Whatever pain you can't get rid of, make it your creative offering.” —Susan Cain
Photo of the Week:
The first Supurrcat was made in honor of Avellina, our daughter, who was born with a broken heart and passed away shortly after she arrived. This cat was left on a tribute bench in New York City's West Village for a lucky passerby to find and cherish. It looks very different from what Supurrcats look like today.
Marathon Fundraising: Running for a Cause
This week, I spoke to the father of one of Carolina’s classmates, who asked me about my advocacy work. I explained that despite what Donald Trump has said about being in favor of and funding IVF, his party and his running mate do not support him. I told this dad that IVF could be in danger of coming to a halt in certain states (as it did in Alabama in February) should Trump win the presidency. I tried to explain this complicated situation as simply I could.
Last week, the Senate voted a second time on the Right to IVF Act, a crucial piece of legislation aimed at expanding medical coverage for IVF and protecting providers from criminalization. The vote failed in June and failed again last week because of a lack of Republican support. Only two Republican senators voted yes; JD Vance wasn’t one of them. He skipped the vote.
The party line from Republicans is that they support family building. Trump even said the government will fund IVF if he wins. But what’s happening in Washington is that there is a very passionate group of Republicans who support the Life at Conception Act, which states that the right to life begins at fertilization. This is not a fringe group, there are 131 co-sponsors in the House. Under this way of thinking, destroying or freezing embryos (a necessary part of the IVF process) is equivalent to murdering a human.
Trump has boasted about “giving Roe vs. Wade back to the states.” His party can’t support IVF, endorse fetal personhood, and be anti-abortion. These beliefs conflict with each other. Under Trump, IVF could start to look a lot like the current state of abortion, offered on a state-by-state basis. If this were to happen, it would lead to chaos for patients and providers. It would also be very dangerous (i.e. if a woman develops ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome and can’t get help in her home state because her condition is due to medicine she used during IVF). This is why federal protections for IVF are needed.
About halfway through explaining this, the Dad “got it” and asked for my Substack card so he could keep up with what’s happening.
I'll be running the NYC marathon this November in support of Resolve.org, the National Infertility Association. They are working hard to protect access to IVF. I'm thrilled to share that I've raised over $2000 of my $3500 goal. A heartfelt THANK YOU to all who have donated—and extra thanks to those who have shared their personal stories with me. Your support means so much to me.
Here’s what you can do if you support enshrining IVF at the national level:
Donate: Every contribution, no matter the size, helps. Even a $5 donation can make an impact when we come together.
Spread the Word: Share my fundraising page on social media or with friends and family who might be interested in supporting this cause.
Use Your Voice: Contact your representatives to support the Right to IVF Act and national protections for IVF.
Your donations don't just help me reach my marathon goal—they contribute to Resolve.org’s crucial work in advocating for family-building rights, especially at this critical time when IVF access is under attack.
Thank you for your invaluable support. Your contributions, whether financial or through spreading the word, are deeply appreciated and make a significant difference.
You are a generous soul, Lia. Thank you for the ideas and gestures of love - they are beautiful.
Yes, so many wonderful ideas for grieving people. Gifts from the heart. 💕💕💕