The Reality Behind "Just Do IVF"

Dispelling myths and fostering empathy for those who experience infertility.

I was on the bus recently when I overheard two young women talking. One, newly married, was discussing her plans for starting a family. "If we don't get pregnant, we'll just do IVF," she said casually.

Just do IVF. 

I wanted to explain how uninformed this perspective was. But I held back, sensing my input would be unwelcome.

With increased media coverage of IVF, it's understandable how people might think it's a straightforward path to parenthood. Unfortunately, it's far from easy.

What many don't realize is that IVF is a grueling process that often begins at the end of a long and difficult road. It involves genetic tests, sonograms, weeks of self-administered daily hormone shots, uncomfortable bloating, early morning lab visits for bloodwork and ultrasounds, egg retrieval under anesthesia, more hormones, more testing, and more discomfort. There are times when a cycle is initiated, but the patient does not respond as expected to the medication, so after much anticipation, time, and expense (even when healthcare plans cover IVF, they often don’t cover the cost of specialized medication which runs in the thousands and is shipped on ice from a mail-order pharmacy) the cycle is canceled.

If you are fortunate enough to respond favorably and continue with the process, week after week, you take tests and await results. Hormone levels. Follicle counts. Egg count. Genetic tests. The list goes on and on. If you success with each step with success, you are often hopeful but anxious about what’s next. The stakes are high. After all, the likelihood of delivering a baby after one IVF cycle varies considerably with age and diagnosis, but for patients between 35 and 40 years old, it is consistently less than 50%.  

CDC chart showing the percentage of egg retrievals that result in live births. Click on the chart to visit the source page and change the inputs.

Most people who start fertility treatments feel behind. They dreamed of starting their family long before they walked into the clinic. There aren’t any reliable statistics on the number of cancer patients who undergo fertility preservation, but in those instances, timing is critical. They need to put cryopreservation behind them so they can begin their life-saving cancer treatments.

It’s why we can’t let what happened in Alabama in February of this year happen again. When the Alabama Supreme Court ruled that frozen embryos were humans, it meant that fertility clinics had to shut their doors and stop treating patients mid-cycle for fear of criminalization. During IVF, more blastocysts (5-6 day old embryos) are created than are ultimately used or stored. Many are discarded (or donated for medical research) because they hold genetic abnormalities, don’t grow into a viable embryo, or because parents have completed their family and no longer need the remaining frozen embryos. The ruling that frozen embryos are humans equates these actions to murder. This interruption in service in Alabama caused massive emotional pain to thousands of hopeful parents.

I vividly remember my first IVF cycle. Leaving the clinic with a tote bag full of syringes and alcohol wipes, I felt overwhelmed. The nurse had demonstrated techniques on an orange, but that evening, I would have to overcome my fear of needles and inject myself. It was a far cry from how I'd imagined starting a family.

No one chooses IVF lightly. Whether due to infertility, medical issues, or other reasons, it's a path taken out of necessity, not preference. As IVF continues to be discussed in media and casual conversations, it's crucial to remember the complex, often heart-wrenching journey behind each story.

For those considering or undergoing infertility treatments, know that your struggles are valid, your fears are normal, and your hope is precious. It can be comforting to connect with others who are in the same situation. Resolve.org hosts support groups, and you can find one that’s right for you on their website. I also coach individuals and couples through infertility, loss, IVF, and surrogacy.

For those who haven't experienced it firsthand, I hope this glimpse fosters empathy and understanding of the challenges many face when pursuing parenthood.

This topic will be a critical factor in our upcoming election. VP candidate Tim Walz has told the American people that he will fight for IVF access. He revealed that his daughter, Hope, was born via fertility treatments, and he and his wife experienced agony for several years when their treatments continued to fail.

If you're interested in supporting this cause, I'll be running the NYC marathon for Resolve.org the Sunday before the election. Resolve will keep fighting for access to IVF and other family-building options regardless of who wins this fall. President Barb Collura was recently quoted in a Time Magazine article:

With that political backdrop, there’s even more pressure on Walz—he’s in “the hot seat” now that he’s chosen to be a champion for IVF, says Barbara Collura, president of RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. “We love public awareness about this, but I can tell you that it's not enough to say you support IVF,” Collura says. “Just talking about it doesn't actually get people insurance coverage.”

Thank you to those who have already donated—especially those who have shared stories with me. One donor shared how her sister went through IVF twice, unsuccessfully. Another, let me know that Resolve has been a beacon of hope during her IVF journey. A third shared with me privately that their daughter just arrived after many years of infertility. Whatever your reason, if you haven’t donated yet and believe in making family-building more accessible, please consider contributing or sharing my page with your network. Anything—a social media post or a $5 donation helps!

With gratitude for your support,

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Words of the Week:

“You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.” - John Lennon

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Photo of the Week:

Pictured above is the Imagine mosaic in Central Park’s Strawberry Fields, a part of John Lennon’s living memorial. It was donated by the city of Naples, Italy, and installed by Italian artisans in 1981. People decorate the mosaic with flowers and pay tribute to Lennon year-round and especially on the anniversary of his death, December 8th.

If you’re in New York, you can find the mosaic on the west side of Central Park near 72nd street.