Lia, your good heart and kind spirit was evident to all on that bus ride. The little girl’s life was changed by sheer kindness and everyone witnessed your beautiful selfless act with a round of applause. Your article should be published. I never tried the food app but once when I was in the local French bakery as it is was about to close, they gave me free loaves of bread. 💕💕💕
Anyone following along... a reader I don't know made the following comment on my newsletter, "Sorry to be a critic, but too many adjectives in your Metropolitan Diary entry. Story needs a lighter touch so it speaks for itself."
Re-reading what I wrote, I understand his feedback and appreciate it. I've revised my entry to the below. Any better? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
A Golden Moment on the M20
I stepped onto the bus one April morning. A child's cries filled the air as her grandmother and sister tried to calm her. Other passengers had moved to the back, and I took an empty seat.
At the next stop, the driver called out, "Either quiet her down or get off. I can't drive with that noise!"
I remembered the hair bow in my bag, meant for my niece who hadn't wanted it. I approached the girl and asked why she was crying. Her sister answered, "Mommy isn't here." I showed the child the bow. She smiled. When I asked if she wanted it, she nodded, and I placed it in her hair.
"Want to see how it looks?" I asked. She did. I took a photo and showed her. She beamed.
Now calm, she sat quietly. As I got up at my stop to leave, applause broke out. Even the driver smiled.
I opened my umbrella on the street, leaving behind a glimpse of joy on a dreary morning.
Thank you! I am so appreciative of the feedback and am going to take another look at it so I can learn and grow. I’m still very new to writing. Thanks ✨
Lia, I love your gift of the golden bow. I once quieted a screaming baby on a crowded plane, when I offered her mother a few lollipops from my stash, which I kept to placate my two small boys. But you told your story more eloquently!
Lia, your good heart and kind spirit was evident to all on that bus ride. The little girl’s life was changed by sheer kindness and everyone witnessed your beautiful selfless act with a round of applause. Your article should be published. I never tried the food app but once when I was in the local French bakery as it is was about to close, they gave me free loaves of bread. 💕💕💕
Thank you, Karen. xoxo
You might love the app! If you enjoy a freezer full of bagels, the bagel deals near you are incredible. xo
Sorry to be a critic, but too many adjectives in your metropolitan diary entry. Story needs a lighter touch so it speaks for itself.
Anyone following along... a reader I don't know made the following comment on my newsletter, "Sorry to be a critic, but too many adjectives in your Metropolitan Diary entry. Story needs a lighter touch so it speaks for itself."
Re-reading what I wrote, I understand his feedback and appreciate it. I've revised my entry to the below. Any better? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
A Golden Moment on the M20
I stepped onto the bus one April morning. A child's cries filled the air as her grandmother and sister tried to calm her. Other passengers had moved to the back, and I took an empty seat.
At the next stop, the driver called out, "Either quiet her down or get off. I can't drive with that noise!"
I remembered the hair bow in my bag, meant for my niece who hadn't wanted it. I approached the girl and asked why she was crying. Her sister answered, "Mommy isn't here." I showed the child the bow. She smiled. When I asked if she wanted it, she nodded, and I placed it in her hair.
"Want to see how it looks?" I asked. She did. I took a photo and showed her. She beamed.
Now calm, she sat quietly. As I got up at my stop to leave, applause broke out. Even the driver smiled.
I opened my umbrella on the street, leaving behind a glimpse of joy on a dreary morning.
Thank you! I am so appreciative of the feedback and am going to take another look at it so I can learn and grow. I’m still very new to writing. Thanks ✨
Loved your Golden moment on the bus!
Thank you, Col!!!
Lia, I love your gift of the golden bow. I once quieted a screaming baby on a crowded plane, when I offered her mother a few lollipops from my stash, which I kept to placate my two small boys. But you told your story more eloquently!